He wasn’t even my type!!

When the Other Woman Says, “He Wasn’t Even My Type”

One of the strangest parts of betrayal is that the answers you think will bring peace often leave you with even more questions.

After an affair comes to light, it’s common to replay every conversation, every message, every detail. You find yourself searching for one sentence that will finally make everything make sense.

Sometimes that sentence comes from the other woman.

“He wasn’t even my type.”

“I wasn’t physically attracted to him.”

“He was the one who kept pursuing me.”

At first, those words can feel oddly comforting. You think, Maybe this means it wasn’t as deep as I feared.

Then, almost immediately, another feeling takes over.

If she wasn’t even attracted to him, why was my marriage worth risking?

That question can cut just as deeply.

The truth is, whether she found him attractive or not doesn’t answer the question that matters most.

Affairs are rarely simple equations of beauty, attraction, or finding someone “better.” More often, they’re about poor boundaries, secrecy, validation, escape, selfishness, or unresolved personal struggles. None of those excuse betrayal—but they remind us that another person’s choices are not a measure of our worth.

As betrayed spouses, we often compare ourselves to the affair partner. We wonder what they had that we didn’t.

Sometimes the answer is… nothing.

Sometimes they weren’t prettier.

Sometimes they weren’t more successful.

Sometimes they weren’t even interested in the person who betrayed us.

And yet the betrayal still happened.

That’s what makes infidelity so painful. It isn’t just about attraction. It’s about choices.

If you’re reading this while obsessing over whether the affair was “only emotional,” “only kissing,” or “only flirting,” I understand. Our minds cling to details because details feel like control.

But healing begins when we realize that no amount of investigating can change what already happened.

The real question becomes:

Is the person who betrayed me willing to become someone I can trust again?

That’s a question no affair partner can answer.

Only time can.

So if you’re caught in the endless loop of comparing yourself to someone else, let me remind you of something I wish every betrayed spouse believed:

Their opinion of your partner is not a reflection of your value.

You were never in competition.

You were simply the one who expected honesty, loyalty, and love—and those expectations were never too much.

Healing doesn’t begin when every question is answered.

It begins when you stop measuring your worth by someone else’s choices and start believing that your value was never diminished by another person’s betrayal.

You are still enough.

Always.